WHEN THE THING YOU ONCE LOVED IS NOW THE THING YOU RESENT : REDISCOVERING MY "WHY"

I have been away from this space for too long. It was not an intentional hiatus but somehow a one week break to recoup from a grueling busy season of work turned to two months of no content. For about a year now, I have been on a journey to discover the "why" - What was the motivation for doing all the things I was doing because I was in a season where all the things that I enjoyed were now the very things that I was starting to resent. It started last summer with the food blog and slowly crept into other areas in the last year - especially the last three months.

The journey of discovering "why" has led to some changes - including a year hiatus from the food blog, several canceled summer trips and even two-month hiatus from travel blogging. I have spent the last three months rediscovering and clarifying my "why".

Was I really serving in church because I understood that service was an act of worship or was I doing it for recognition? Was I volunteering just for a photo op or was it the understanding that my service in the community was the way I show Jesus. Had my travels simply become blog content generators instead of the thing that fed my soul and was I blogging just for the stats and comments which may potentially lead to a partnership and free trips or a way to journal my travel stories and perhaps inspire someone along the way.

All of the things I enjoyed doing, the things that fed my soul were now the very things I loathed because I forgot why I started. I forgot my service in church was my worship, I forgot that creating recipes and cooking was my way to destress and not a means to a book deal; I forgot travel was what fed my soul first and the time that I had the most joy blogging was not when I had 26 comments on a post but the times I received messages in my inbox  about how my stories inspired someone or how my tips helped them plan a budget-friendly travel.

As long as my motivations were wrong - I was going to be miserable doing the things I supposedly loved. As long as my "why"  scale was tipped in favor of the stats, recognitions, the potential book deal, blog content, photo ops, there was no way to be satisfied.  The two months hiatus from this space has been spent soul searching and asking God to reveal what was disconnected, to convict my heart in the places my motivation was wrong. That conversation with God led me to give up some things, other things I am still asking him to evaluate and some, like this blog - I have rediscovered my "why". 

Having clarified the why in a lot of areas - I am finding joy again in those things, finding joy in serving, finding joy in volunteering, finding joy in blogging, finding joy in travel.

What does that mean for this space? - I am glad you asked. Some weeks will be content heavy and others not so much. Not all content will be travel, there might be some personal, some vain, some food, some beauty and I will take trips that will not be documented here.  A lot of what you love about this space will stay the same, but a lot will change as well. I hope you tag along.